June 8, 2012

It isn't a pretty sight,

to be left alone, suffocated with your own harsh thoughts.

Rainy Friday, I feel melancholic and nostalgic.

It is usually in the middle of the night or early in the morning, when loneliness strikes at its best possible way, reminding you of how you're battling in this road of life alone and out of bind. Sometimes it mortifies me what sad little soul I have. One with a split personality that can't be controlled by the mind. I never have to fake a smile around people when I am internally shattered because they distract me from my own thoughts and I appear to be like one of the happiest ones. But.. when I'm left alone, that's when my emotions decide to take a turn, concluding to a gloomy atmosphere.

It's been 5 months and I would say a lot of things happened. I'm starting to wonder if it is all really worth it. The people I've met and lost, the memories I've built and are now only left to be reminisced. Growing up teaches you a lot of things. And realizations are inescapable. But I don't mind it, in fact I am gratified for it because how else would you find out about the innumerable turns in life, if you don't drive through it yourself? I've always been one who never listens, because I intend on making my own mad mistakes and learn it from myself later on. But I don't do regrets. Well.. I used to but then I grew up and realized although we can reverse the hands on clocks, we still can't change the time in the real world.

Growing up rocks. It changes you in so many ways the younger version of you would've never imagined. But how I wish I could transport back to the years where my dad gave me an awesome barbie doll as present, bubble baths were a must and lying in bed watching Disney Channel with unlimited snacks was a daily routine. Those were the days when I could've not given two fucks about the world and the world would still look at me as if I'm the most adorable God send little girl from above.

I wish I could have that back.