Sam Tsui - Me Without You
Lately I've been at one of my lowest points - doubting myself, feeling unsure of everything and overwhelmed with my newly found low self-esteem. I feel like I'm not good enough. Never the best in anything, never perfecting what I've been practicing, never the person everyone expects me to be. I don't think I like the person I'm becoming. I hate the fact I no longer write, that I hardly feel inspired, that words don't come easily to me anymore as much as it used to. I feel plain. Useless. A pointless person. A waste of space.
Life's been going downhill these past few days, or weeks. I can hardly remember. I always feel put down, compared to, belittled. Pressured. It's like nothing I do is ever right. People seem to overlook the good deeds I do, the sincere words I've uttered, the helping hand I've offered. Not that I'm saying I'm such a darn good person but I just wish, to be appreciated and not be taken for granted. For people to have a bit of mercy, a little piece of humanity. But then again, I'm not even that good or nice of a person. So I don't understand why I'm asking to be treated differently.
I hate how I'm lacking focus, how I'm procrastinating, how I'm uninspired, how I'm slacking, how I've been ignoring my priorities and avoiding reality. Not that my life has been dull, it's been pretty much the opposite. It's just the people who's been bringing me down.
I just want to travel, witness the first ray of sunlight on a brand new day, read a good book outdoors next to a picnic basket, being pushed on a swing with my legs wiggling in the air, going on a hunt for a four leaf clover, wasting my Sundays like a sloth in bed, float on the Red Sea until the sun is ready to set, listen to street music at night while taking in the city lights, attend John Mayer's concert with my lover, experience scuba diving in The Great Blue Hole of Belize, meet John Green and thank him for his imagination and his incredibility to touch the hearts of others, figure out the word that defines the opposite of loneliness, start something that actually brings changes to the world. I want to inhale love, and exhale hate. I want to see a lot of things and be the best version of me and make a difference an inspire others and find the place or the person that makes me feel like home. Always. I want to belong, and be loved, and be understood. I want to fall, and get back up and proceed.
Life is unfair,
Such is life.