November 27, 2012


There is nothing else that I yearn for more, other than that.
To escape and to be lost, and not to be found.

In the mood for Lego House by Ed Sheeran and a mug of hot milo in a room where the only source of light is from the world beyond the windows.

My Beautiful Sixteenth
Mai was the only one who didn't wish me and I was pretty bummed about that. She had the guts to call me though and asked if I was coming to One Utama with Ummi Sofia and Jeanne without even acknowledging that it was my birthday! But then we met and I found out Mai, Ummi and Jeanne had something for me. Mai handed me a box with a birthday card inside and asked me to read it when I'm home.  Ummi and Jeanne bought a mokingjay necklace from Diva. I've been searching it for so long! There is nothing I appreciate more than letters or cards. My true friend :-)

Maths tuition class ended and I was packing up my stuff when I suddenly heard people singing Happy Birthday outside. I looked out the class and the lights were off. I was puzzled and my maths teacher, Mr Prem had to beckon me to go outside. And when I did, there they all were with a box of Donuts with these adorable 16 candles! 

Surprised at the fact of how thoughtful the people around me are, trying to give me the best birthday they could pull off and really I just feel so gratified. Especially my family and my best best friends, Mai, Ummi, Jeanne, Sabrina, Aidy, Ain, Arief. They're the best of the best, and I could never ask for anything else. You have no idea how eternally grateful and thankful I am for having all these people in my life. I had a great birthday, I really did. I'm glad it went the way it did because I wouldn't have it any other way. I appreciate all the effort and all of you too, basically. Thank you for giving me an amazing 16th :-) 

I miss being a small girl though, a kid. A child. The little one. Innocence is possibly the most beautiful thing to me that has ever existed, and to have that, to experience that, to live a life of  nothing but it is a life worth living. A life I'd die for. A life I've always only wanted and I wouldn't turn down for the price of fame or money that the world is capable of giving. Innocence is happiness to me. And it is a lifelong dream for me to attain that goal of reaching everlasting innocence and serenity. Inner peace. Hopefully that will be included in my happy ending. Amin.

So here's to the future and whatever that's beyond us, a life more twisted that awaits us and loneliness that screams for our company at certain times. Here's to not knowing, always hoping, and determination for the best that we could ever ask for or perhaps more. Stay true to the person your parents raised you as and run away from any unnecessary situations that will make you wonder if you're really worth so little
You're worth more than you think you are